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"And The Winner Is"Written By: Emerald Pillow Warnings: Language, fluff Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or it's boys. Pairings: None Rating: PG 13 Author's Note: Please keep a light heart about
this. At one time, I wanted to be a lawyer, and I wrote this because
of that, and the undenible fact that I was strung out on Mount Dew.
"And The Winner Is"
Dorothy: All rise. The honorable Judge, I-need-to-get-laid-quick-or-I'm-cranky-Chang residing. Wu Fei: One more comment like that. . .you may sit. The first case of the day is case #198-99431; Quatre Winner vs. Heero Yuy for custody of the Wing Zero. Duo: Wu-wu, if I may. Wu Fei: We just started, and you're suppose to refer to me as "your honor." Duo: One quick little side note. Wu Fei: You're going to get on my nerves early today, aren't you? Hurry up. Duo: My client would like for you to address him as Quatre Raberba Winner. Wu Fei: You can't be serious. . .fine. Quatre Raberba Winner vs. Heero Yuy. Now, can we get on with it? Plaintiff? Duo: Your honorable Wu-wu, my client has been deprived of his beloved Gundam; of which he has placed his precious workers, daddy's money, risk life and limb to steal the blue prints. . . Quatre: (whispers) Is this suppose to be helping my case, or his? Duo: I'm getting to that. Your honor, Quatre Raberba Winner has even put his own elbow grease into the making of this Gundam. . .and we all know how difficult it is to properly maintain a Gundam; unless someone steals another one's parts. . .(evil glare at Heero) but my client has taken care of the Gundam, the proper way, since it was just a blue print. He has maintained it, fueled it, fixed it, and even sang it lullabies at night. Quatre: I did not! Duo: (whispers) Shut up! It helps your case. Quatre: Oh. I mean, not just at night. . . I didn't. Wu Fei: (shakes head) Continue counselor. Duo: Okay. . .where was I?. . .oh yeah. They might say that my client was reckless with the Zero, but I would like to point out the fact that this Gundam was new. Given the time that it was developed, it didn't really have time to be properly tested before use. Relena: (stands up, ready to speak) Your. . . Heero: Your honor, I would like to fire my counselor and represent myself. Relena: Heero?! Wu Fei: Reasons? Heero: I have to supply reasons? Wu Fei: I'm just curious. Heero: (shrugs) It's Relena. She's probably going to say something retarded. I'm intelligent enough to represent myself. Relena: I do not say retarded things Heero. People listen to me. Heero: When they have no choice, or fast forward. Relena: That is not true! Heero: I don't even know why she's here. This is a violation of my PPO Wu Fei: Granted. Catalonia, show Peacecraft out of here. Relena: I'm a Darlian now. Wu Fei: What is it with you people and your names? (thinks aloud to himself) Maybe I should start calling everyone by their first names. (turns back to Dorothy) Show Darlian out of here. Dorothy: Right, this way Miss. Relena. Relena: This is a public trial. I can stay and watch. Wu Fei: Yuy, how close can she get to you? Heero: Two to three Colonies, depending on the size. Wu Fei: If you do not leave, I'll fine you in contempt. Relena: (being ushered from the court room by Dorothy) This is unorthodox. Dorothy: Miss. Relena, big words will not save you this time. They all stopped listening to you. Duo: Hello? Now that she's gone, can we get back to my story now? Wu Fei: Go ahead. Duo: Quatre Raberba Winner master the Zero system quickly. In the short time he had to test it, he was able to take out mobile suits very quickly and skillfully. He was even able to place Heero in a start of crying uncle. Heero: He had a Gundam, and I had that piece of shit Mercurius. That's about as equal as putting you and me in a fist fight. Wu Fei: Wait your turn. . .and Maxwell, in a court room, we act professionally. . .meaning we don't stick our tongues out at the defendant. . .that also means no swearing. . .are you done? Duo: I have one more thing to say. . .if not for Quatre Raberba Winner, the Gundam in question would never have been produced. Wu Fei: Defense. Heero: While Wing Zero was in his possession, Quatre destroyed two Colonies, a resource satellite, and nearly destroyed his best friend. I only took out enemy MS and Libra. Quatre: You damaged the Lunar base. Heero: No, you did. You're the one that place Mercurius on self denation. . .besides, that was the mission. And it would have been done sooner and saved Trowa a lot of head trauma if you would have listened in the first place. Quatre: (tears brimming eyes) That's not fair. I never. . . Wu Fei: (slams mallet on bench) That's enough. You've had your chance, now it's the Defense's turn. Heero: I've said what I had to. Duo: That's your whole defense? Heero: Yeah. He can't handle it. Duo: If you believed that, then why did you have the Zero system installed into Sandrock? Heero: Four reasons. . .(starts counting on fingers) He was familiar with Sandrock and Sandrock's cockpit, so he was least likely to go nuts again. Second, you guys sucked when you first started fighting together. Every time you were going out there you were getting creamed. Wu Fei: Don't you have a third point you'd like to dwell on? Heero: He was the only one that had the efficient amount of experience to fight with the system. Any of you other guys would have went. . . Wu Fei: You made your point. Anything else? Heero: I didn't install the entire system. Just fragments. . .and I'm done. Duo: Same here. Wu Fei: Are there any witnesses you'd like to call? Duo & Quatre: No! Heero: Yeah. Wu Fei: Call your witness. Heero: Trowa Barton. Trowa: (takes stand hesitantly) Don't I have a constitutional right to protect me from this? Heero: We're Japanese cartoon characters, the American Constitution doesn't apply to us. Trowa: Damn. (Wu Fei glares down at him) I mean, darn. Then why are we having a trail? Dorothy: Because it's supposed to be funny. Trowa: I don't find being caught between Quatre and Heero funny. Dorothy: Not much of a couch fan, huh?. . .Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Trowa: I guess I'm not getting a choice, so. . .yes. Wu Fei: Defense, your witness. Heero: Trowa, will you describe the state that Quatre was in when we first approached him as the pilot of Wing Zero? Trowa: He. .um. . .he was emotionally distraught. Heero: Mhmm. . .and at the time of the encounter, how much damage has he cause, withstanding the mobile suit count? Trowa: A natural resource satellite, and two Colonies. Heero: For as long as you've known him, was he always so destructive? Duo: I object, your honor, at the time that the witness and my client met, they were both soldiers of the war and one can not deem the other as destructive. Wu Fei: Did that just come from Maxwell? Heero: That was probably the smartest thing he's said all day. Wu Fei: I'll have the last question and everything following stricken from the record. Go on. Heero: Trowa, what did Quatre tell you he was going to do to space if he would have the Gundam? Trowa: (whispers to Heero) Why are you doing this? Heero: That's not what he said. Wu Fei: Answer the question Barton. Trowa: He was going to destroy all the Colonies that had armed themselves. Heero: You tried to talk sense into him, but, he shot you; right? Trowa: Yes. Heero: Shortly after, he shot you again, causing the Veyagte you were piloting to explode. . .correct? When all you were doing was just talking to him. Trowa: I threw myself into a shot that was aimed at you that caused the Veyagte to explode. Heero: Trowa, roughly, how long have you been piloting mobile suits? Trowa: Eleven years. Heero: When you piloted the Wing Zero, how well did you fair against the cockpit. . .and explained what happened. Trowa: The cockpit won over me, and I nearly destroyed a Colony. . .if it wasn't for Quatre, I would have. (Heero quickly glared at the added afterthought) Heero: So if a skilled pilot such as Trowa, with eleven years of training with mobile suits, was unable to properly control a complex system, how can anyone safely say that Quatre; who merely stumbled into being a pilot, could do as much? With that, I'm done. Wu Fei: Plaintiff's witness. Duo: When you approached my client in the Wing Zero, you said that he was "emotionally distraught". Then, you being the good friend that you were, tried to talk to him when he shot you the first time. . .correct? Trowa: Yes. Duo: But while you were talking to him, did he seem to calm down? Trowa: Yes. Duo: What caused him to get riled up again? Trowa: Heero charged him. Duo: Then, being a solider, he defended himself. . .cuz that's what soldiers do, right? Trowa: Yeah. Duo: Trowa, when you took control of the Zero's cockpit, were you really in any condition to be piloting any mobile suit?. . .and why? Trowa: I was suffering from amnesia, and couldn't really remember how to pilot a mobile suit to the best of my ability. Duo: So to say the least, at that time, your piloting abilities were equal to Quatre's. Heero: Objection. The last question would solely be based on personal opinion, not fact. Wu Fei: Omit the last question from the record. Continue counselor. Duo: Describe Quatre's behavior when Heero installed the Zero system into Sandrock. Trowa: Quatre became our leader, so to speak. He was able to pull the four of us together for battle and was able to pull strategy plans quickly. Duo: Now, Trowa, with your eleven years of experience with mobile suits; if the four of us would have continued at the rate that we were going before Quatre's help, how long do you think we would have lasted? Heero: Objection. The question is once again based on personal opinion, not fact, and not to mention irrelevant to the case. Duo: You're just saying that because it's against you. With eleven years under his belt, how can you not consider him a professional? Trowa: I agree with Heero, I think I should go. (rises to leave the witness stand) Wu Fei: Sit down Barton. I'm going to allow your answer because I believe you would be able to adequately answer as a professional. Duo: Ha! Wu Fei: Maturity counselor, and I hope you do have a point soon. Duo: I did. . .but I forgot where I was going with it, so I'm done. Wu Fei: Fine, strike the last question. Is there anything else that either the Plaintiff or the Defendant would like to add. Duo: No your honor. Heero: No. Wu Fei: Then I will take a recess and look over everything. Then I'll return with my decision. Dorothy: All rise. Recess: Trowa: Quatre, don't be mad at me. Quatre: You made me look bad. Trowa: I was under oath, I had to tell the truth. Quatre: Couldn't you have told it in an anti-Heero manner? Trowa: Quatre. Quatre: You can think about it in the guest room. Trowa: This is not funny.
Heero: Hn? Relena: Heero, you didn't really get a PPO against me. . .did you? Heero: What do you think that paper was that Trowa handed you yesterday? Relena: (shifts through papers) I thought that was something pertaining to the case! Duo: Some lawyer, don't you even read the papers give to you? Heero: I don't see two Colonies between us. . .Dorothy!
Wu Fei: I've looked over everything and have come to my decision. First off, I want to say that this is truly ridiculous. It's been ten years since anyone has seen the Wing Zero, and the last time it was seen, it was nothing more than a pile of scrap. Why either of you would want that, aside from Maxwell, is beyond me. . . .but I have granted custody to Quatre Winner. (slams mallet on bench) Case closed. Heero: (snickers) Congratulations. I hope you enjoy
it.
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